LGBT Family Therapy in Los Angeles
There are 2 common areas families often look for support when LGBT+ issues enter the picture. The first is supporting a child in their questions of LGBT identity or their newfound LGBT identity. The second is how to maintain family balance and support when roles change upon an adult family member coming out.
Here are 4 steps to help in both situations. These not exhaustive, but important things to keep in mind.
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Attempt to understand the LGBT person and what they are going through.
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Respect differences. Recognize that what’s important to the LGBT person and what’s important to others might not be the same. They are moving through a world as a minority in a culture that is heteronormative and cisgendered.
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Lean on commonalities. Recognize the shared family values that are already in place and uplift those.
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Let go of imagined realities. Recognize your child or your family member has their own reality, it’s not one you can create. Ask yourself, what is your tolerance level in allowing them to be different from you or what you imagined for them?
How Do I Support My LGBT Child?
Attempt to Understand: The first step is to understand your child. Listen to what they will tell you. Ask about what would make them feel most comfortable. Being in the therapeutic space also helps facilitate these discussions.
Respect Differences: Understand that what’s important to your child is likely very different from what’s important to you as a parent. Show interest in their needs, interests, and concerns.
Lean on Commonalities: Remember, they are your child. They need you and look up to you. They have absorbed things you’ve taught them. These are common grounding items that can help reunite when you feel distance or resistance.
Let Go of Imagined Realities: What are all the things you ever wanted for your child? It can be a grieving process to let go of the things you imagined for your child and it can be difficult work to re-imagine their reality.
How Can We Keep Our Family Together When An Adult Family Member Comes Out?
Attempt to Understand: What do you know about the LGBT family member and what are you assuming? Do you have a full picture of what they are going through?
Respect Differences: Is it ok to be different? How have differences been handled in your family before?
Lean on Commonalities: Where is the common ground and shared family values or activities that can re-connect you?
Let Go of Imagined Realities: What does everyone believe the family could look like in the future? What does this involve letting go of?
What Makes Family Therapy Effective?
Here are some ways to get the most out of family therapy:
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All relevant family members are included. If a grandparent plays a key role in the situation you want to work on, they should be included.
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All relevant family members show up regularly. Consistent participation is key to working toward change.
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Respect among participants. For example, respecting others' turn talking, listening to what they say, no name calling, etc.
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Open-mindedness. Each individual is willing to consider other points of view.